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中英雙語經典英語笑話
英語小笑話：絕配
A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son."Dad, “says the son, there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
"Son”, the father replies, I painted the vase."
一個富有的主婦很是驕傲因為她收藏了一件非常有價值的古董花瓶，于是她決定把臥室粉刷成與花瓶同樣的顏色。許多油漆匠都試圖盡力與花瓶的顏色匹配，但是沒有任何人能做得 讓那古怪的女人滿意的。
一個油漆匠很自信他能做到，最終他成功了。那個主婦很滿意，于是這個油漆匠也變得很出名。
多年以后，油漆匠要退休了，他把自己的生意交給兒子去經營。“爸爸”兒子問“我還有些事情想知道，你怎么能把墻粉刷得和花瓶的顏色那么相配?”“兒子”爸爸回答到“我只不過是把花瓶刷了。”
英語小笑話：超速
Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."
因為旅行推銷員為了謀生需要拜訪盡量多的客戶，所以超速飛車趕場對于他們來說也不是沒有過的事情。有一次我就因為超速度行駛被一個公路巡警攔了下來。“你有沒有看過你的時速表?”那名警官責問。當我的回答一出口，我立刻后悔了，但已經太晚了。“車開得越來越快”，我如實地說，“我的眼睛得一直盯著前面，沒敢看別的”。
英語小笑話：哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
我們的餐廳經理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者，我應該說，他是有點矮!一天，經理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”
我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的啊”!
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