最新爆笑英語笑話大全
I Am Going to Shop 我要去購物啦
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
我幫來購物的女士包好東西后，問道：“是付現金、支票還是記賬呢?” 當她找錢包的時候，我注意到她的包包里竟放著一個電視遙控器。
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
我問：“你一直都隨身帶電視遙控器的嗎?”
“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”
她回答說：“不是啦。但我老公不樂意跟我一起來購物，所以我決定拿走他的遙控器來懲罰他。”
At a Department Store 在百貨商店里
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”
一個結巴壯漢走進一家百貨公司問柜員：“男……男裝部在……在哪兒?”
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
柜臺后的柜員看著他不搭話。
The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.
那男人又重復道：“男裝……裝部在……在哪兒?”柜員還是不理他。
The guy asks several more times, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.
壯漢問了好幾遍柜員依舊如故。最后，壯漢氣沖沖地走了。
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s questions?”
排在后面的顧客問那個柜員：“你怎么不答人家話呀?”
The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”
柜員說：“你……你覺著我……我想找打……打是吧!?”
冰箱里的儲蓄罐
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
我表妹總是從她哥哥的小豬撲滿里“借錢”，她哥哥對此事感到很憤怒。
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
一天，表妹四處尋找，最后竟然在冰箱里發現了撲滿。
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
撲滿里有張紙條：“親愛的妹妹，我希望你能夠理解，我的資產現在已被凍結。”
I Understand Him我懂他的話
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在飯店吃飯的時候，我申斥我4歲的兒子，因為他滿嘴食物在說話。“喔、呢”，我聽到的就是這些。 “祖，”我責備道，“沒人明白你在說什么。” “他說他要一些番茄醬，”我丈夫平靜地說。坐在旁邊的一位婦女靠過來問道：“你究竟如何明白他的話的呢?” “我是牙醫。”我丈夫解釋道。
冰箱里的小兔子
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
一位女士打開冰箱門，發現一只兔子坐在其中的一層隔板上，就問它：“你在那里做什么?”
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
兔子回答：“這是Westinghouse對不對?”(Westinghouse，西屋電氣公司)
The lady confirmed, "Yes."
女士確認道：“沒錯。”
"Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing."
兔子說：“那就對了，我就是要往西邊去。”
Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?
兔子：你確信這瓶特制胡蘿卜汁能治好我的病?
Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.
醫生：當然咯，凡是喝過的兔子沒有一只來要第二瓶的。
Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?
兔寶寶：媽咪，我是從哪兒來的'呢?
Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.
兔媽媽：等你長大點再告訴你。
Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.
兔寶寶：噢媽咪，現在就告訴我吧，求您了。
Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.
兔媽媽：如果你一定要知道，那我告訴你你是從魔術師的帽子里被拽出來的。
我們分享一切
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.
一對老夫婦在漢堡王餐廳吃飯，他們小心翼翼地將漢堡和薯條分成兩份。
A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.
一個卡車司機非常同情他們，就提議想給老太太單獨點一份。
"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."
“沒關系的。”老先生說，“我們分享一切。”
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.
幾分鐘后，卡車司機注意到老太太還沒動口吃一點東西。
"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.
他再次對老先生說，“我真的不介意請您妻子吃一頓……”
"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
“她會吃的，”老先生向他保證，“我們分享一切。”
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"
司機不太相信，懇求老太太，“你為什么不吃一點?”
The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。”
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