經(jīng)典幽默英語短篇笑話
冰箱里的小兔子
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
一位女士打開冰箱門，發(fā)現(xiàn)一只兔子坐在其中的一層隔板上，就問它：“你在那里做什么?”
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
兔子回答：“這是Westinghouse對不對?”(Westinghouse，西屋電氣公司)
The lady confirmed, "Yes."
女士確認道：“沒錯。”
"Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing."
兔子說：“那就對了，我就是要往西邊去。”
Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?
兔子：你確信這瓶特制胡蘿卜汁能治好我的病?
Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.
醫(yī)生：當然咯，凡是喝過的兔子沒有一只來要第二瓶的。
Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?
兔寶寶：媽咪，我是從哪兒來的呢?
Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.
兔媽媽：等你長大點再告訴你。
Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.
兔寶寶：噢媽咪，現(xiàn)在就告訴我吧，求您了。
Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.
兔媽媽：如果你一定要知道，那我告訴你你是從魔術師的帽子里被拽出來的。
法官與小偷
It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
“What is your offense?”
“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner
圣誕佳節(jié)到來，法官心情愉悅的問受刑人：
“你做了什么壞事啊?”
“我今年圣誕節(jié)購物早了些。”犯人回答。
“那并不事件壞事”，法官說：“到底多早之前啊?”
“商店開門之前。”犯人答道。
The Three Stages of Man男性成長三階段
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus!
相信圣誕老人的存在。
不相信圣誕老人的存在。
自己是個圣誕老人!
Motivation 動機
MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."
我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動機”。“是什么推動你在人生的路上向前走?”他問道，“是什么讓你每天上學來?又是什么驅使你追求成功?”沖著一個女學生，他問：“是什么讓你早晨從床上爬起來的'呢?”學生答道：“我媽媽。”
Mental deficiency 智力缺陷
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
“醫(yī)生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對于一個看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫(yī)生回答，“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要問什么樣的問題呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環(huán)球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個問題嗎?坦率地說，我對歷史了解的不是很多。”
Beware of Dog! 小心有狗
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進一家鄉(xiāng)間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去后，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什么?” “因為，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒。”
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