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  • 詼諧爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話

    時(shí)間:2024-07-22 16:06:58 英語(yǔ)笑話 我要投稿
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    詼諧爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話

      最希望得到的簽名

    詼諧爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話

      Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."

      我們大學(xué)的校報(bào)開辦了一個(gè)每周一問(wèn)的專欄。上周的問(wèn)題是:“你最想要什么人的簽名?為什么?”和預(yù)計(jì)的一樣,大部分的回答都是歌星、體育明星或者政治家。但是,最優(yōu)秀的答案來(lái)自一個(gè)一年級(jí)新生,他說(shuō):“在我畢業(yè)證上簽字的那個(gè)人。”

      記得這幾天不要抽煙

      A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!"

      "Oh, Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!" The doctor replied.

      候診室里坐著一位憂心忡忡的病人,當(dāng)醫(yī)生傳喚他時(shí),他滿面愁容的說(shuō):“醫(yī)生,怎么辦?我昨天誤喝下一瓶汽油!”

      醫(yī)生回答他說(shuō):“喔,沒關(guān)系啦!記得這幾天不要抽煙!”

      最丑的孩子?

      A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

      一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車,司機(jī)看到后說(shuō):“額,那是我這輩子見過(guò)的最丑的小孩。”

      The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

      女士走到車廂后面坐下,感到很憤怒。她對(duì)旁邊的男士說(shuō):“司機(jī)剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說(shuō):“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧,我替你抱著你的猴子。”

      成功的關(guān)鍵

      One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.'"

      "What is cleverness?" asked his son.

      "Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise," the father answered.

      一天,父親教育兒子說(shuō):“一個(gè)人成功的關(guān)鍵就是嚴(yán)守諾言和足夠聰明。一旦你給了別人承諾,無(wú)論發(fā)生什么事,你都得實(shí)現(xiàn)它,這個(gè)就叫‘守諾言’。”

      兒子問(wèn):“那么什么是聰明呢?”

      父親回答:“聰明就是任何時(shí)候都別做這樣的承諾。”

      一分鐘一百萬(wàn)

      A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."

      一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問(wèn):"主啊, 一百萬(wàn)美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問(wèn):"那一百萬(wàn)年呢?"上帝說(shuō):"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過(guò)一秒鐘."

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