英語笑話大全笑破你的肚子
笑話一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一種民間口頭創作形式,在民間文化中以口口相傳的形式傳播。以下是小編給大家帶來的英語笑話笑破你的肚子，希望大家喜歡。
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 1
Exchange the Tortoise for the Wolf
Teacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?
Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.
Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare wont fall asleep?
Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.
把烏龜換成狼
老師：有些同學開始驕傲了，大家還記得龜兔賽跑的故事嗎。小明，你說說看，兔子為什么輸給烏龜?
小明：因為它睡覺了。
老師：對極了!我們應該怎么做才能讓兔子不睡覺呢?
小明：把烏龜換成狼!
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 2
能幫我重啟網絡嗎?
Computer help desks are used to fielding oddball requests but sometimes the questions leave even the best of them stumped.
Such as: "Why isnt my wireless mouse connected to the computer?"
Or: "Can you reset the Internet for me?"
Then there was the questioner who asked: "Where can I get software to track UFOs?"
Robert Half Technology, a provider of information technology professionals based in Menlo Park, California, asked 1,400 chief information officers from companies across the United States to come up with the most baffling questions their help desks or technical support teams had ever received. Among the more unusual were:
-- "My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the any key?"
-- "Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?"
-- "My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?"
-- "Can you tell me the weather forecast for next year?"
-- "Can you install cable TV on my PC?"
Then there was the computer user who confused the CD-ROM drive with a drink holder and asked: "How do I get my computers coffee-cup holder to come out again?"
Katherine Spencer Lee, executive director of Robert Half Technology, said such queries were a test of the skills of the help and technical support desks.
"These unusual requests highlight the need for technical support personnel to also demonstrate patience, empathy and a sense of humor," she said.
幫用戶解決電腦問題是電腦技術支持的主要職責，但有時用戶提的問題甚至把IT精英們都給難倒了。
比如：“為什么我的.無線鼠標沒連在電腦上?”
再如：“能幫我重啟一下網絡嗎?”
還有人會問：“在哪能下載追蹤UFO的軟件?”
總部位于加州門羅園的“羅伯特1/2”IT咨詢公司日前對美國各地的1400位公司IT主管進行了一項調查，讓他們列出公司的技術咨詢或支持部門所遇到的“最難回答”的問題。其中包括：
“電腦提示：請按任意鍵繼續。這個任意鍵在哪?”
“你能將鍵盤按字母順序重排嗎?”
“我女兒被鎖在浴室了，你能開鎖嗎?”
“能不能幫我查查明年的天氣預報?”
“能幫我在電腦上安裝有線電視嗎?”
還有一位用戶將光盤驅動器(CD-ROM)與一種杯架混淆了，問曰：“怎么把電腦上的咖啡杯架弄出來?”
“羅伯特1/2”IT咨詢公司的執行官凱瑟琳斯賓塞李說，這些問題對于技術人員來說的確是個考驗。
她說：“技術人員在解答這些問題時，一定要有耐心，要理解用戶，還要有些幽默感。”
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 3
Fresh Richer
A fresh richer is purchasing coffin in the store for the death.A person asks him：“Which one is better?”He says：“Of course the zinc1)-filled is more durable2)，but the wooden is helpful to the health.”
新 貴
一個新貴在墓葬品商店選購他死時要用的'棺材，有人問他：“最好買哪一種?”他說：“鍍鋅的棺材當然比較耐用，但木制棺材有益于健康。”
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 4
The reds or the greens?
Two apples up in a tree were looking down on the world.The first apple said，“Look at all those people fighting，robbing，rioting --no one seems willing to get along with his fellow man.Some day we apples will be the only ones left.Then well rule the world.”Replied the second apple，“Which of us --the reds or the greens?”
紅的還是綠的'?
樹上的兩只蘋果俯瞰著世界。第一只蘋果說：“瞧瞧這些人吧，爭斗、搶劫、騷亂——似乎就沒有人愿意與別的人好好相處。總有一天，我們蘋果就會成為世上惟一的幸存者。到那時我們就將統治世界。”第二只蘋果回答說：“我們中的哪些呢——紅的還是綠的?”
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 5
解決難題
Some friends and I stopped at an ice-cream parlor.where I asked for my favorite，a hot-fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream. But when the waitress brought our orders，I saw that mine had vanilla ice cream. " I ordered chocolate,"I pointed out.
我和一位朋友來到一家冰淇琳店。我要了一個我最喜歡吃的巧克力奶油圣代。當女招待送來我的冰淇淋時，我發現我的'冰淇沐是香草的。我說:“我要的是巧克力的。”
The young woman consulted her order pad and responded，"So you did. Ill take it back and get chocolate."
那位年輕的女士查了一下訂單回答說:“你確實要的是巧克力的。我把它拿回去，再給你拿一個巧克力的。”
“Never mind，”I said.”I dont like to see anything wasted."
“沒關系，”我說:“我不想浪費東西。”
"Nothing is wasted around here!"she insisted.“We eat our mistakes. "
“這兒什么也浪費不了，”女招待堅持說:“我們吃掉自己的錯誤。”
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 6
吝嗇鬼的餐會
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個聲名狼藉的`小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧?”
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 7
A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard． They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy． For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking． Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father？ It isnt very nice， is it？” “No， it isnt very nice， but its very useful，Tom，”answered his father．“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep．” Tom thought about this for a few seconds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father？”
一個小男孩和他的父親正在鄉間行走，突然下起了大雨。 他們沒帶傘，加上四下無處可以躲雨，所以很快他們渾身上下被淋濕了，小男孩感到很不好受。 他們在雨中朝家走去，有好一會兒，那個男孩一直在思索著什么。后來終于他朝父親轉過臉去，問他說：“爸爸，為什么天會下雨呢？下雨可不太好，是吧？” “是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，湯姆。”父親回答說。“老天爺下雨促使了為我們所食用的水果和蔬菜的`生長，同樣也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生長。” 湯姆對父親的這番話想了一會，然后說：“那么，父親，老天爺為什么還要把雨下在路上呢？”
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 8
不必再看眼科醫生了
It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己經很多年沒做眼睛檢查了。我妻子總是催我去掛個號。她越是督我，我越是耽擱不去。最后，她替我掛了個號。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去見醫生的前一天，我的'情緒特別好。我對妻于又是親又是抱，還說她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.
"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."
她說:“這回眼睛沒問題了，那我現在就去把號退了。”
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 9
An absent-minded husband.
心不在焉的丈夫
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
我陪丈夫一起出差，他帶著他的筆記本電腦。到了機場出口處時， 有位檢查員要他打開包。但是包鎖上了，機場工作人員耐心地等著我那窘迫的丈夫設法回想起暗鎖的.密碼。最后他終于想起來了。
“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.
”你為什么那么緊張呢？“我問他。
"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.
“密碼是我們的結婚紀念日。”他承認道”
你太晚了 You are too late 幽默笑話
英語笑話笑破你的肚子 10
An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"
一位耳聾并且總是嫌東西太貴的老太太走進一家商店。 她問店員：“這東西要多少錢？”
"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."
“七美元，太太，這是很便宜的。” 老太太說：“太貴了，十四美元差不多。” 店員忙說：“我沒說十七美元，是七美元。”
"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."
“還是太貴，”老太太說：“五美元，我就買啦。”
英語笑話笑破你的.肚子 11
The Umbrella
A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall, but he had put on the handle a card on which was written: "This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds. I shall be back in ten minutes." When he came back, he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was written,"This card belongs to a man who can run tenmiles an hour. I shall not come back."
雨傘
一位住在旅館的紳士把他的雨傘放在了大廳里，不過他在傘柄上系了一張卡片，上面寫道，“此傘屬于一位能舉百磅的'紳士。我將在十分鐘內回來。當他回來時，發現雨傘已經不翼而飛，取而代之的是另一張卡片，上面寫著：“此卡是一位一小時能跑十英里的人留下的，我將永遠不回來了。”
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