絕對笑到你肚子疼的英語笑話
導語：你知道學些笑話的好處么?當第一次見面的時候，總是有不知道該說什么的尷尬，這時候你就需要一些笑話，來緩解一下氣氛呢，這里小編為你收集整理了絕對笑到你肚子疼的英語笑話，希望能對你有所幫助哈!
1 One day a little white rabbit went to a bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
一天有只小白兔來到面包店問：“請問你們有100個小面包嗎?”
The shopkeeper answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many."
老板回答：“抱歉我們沒有那么多。”
"Oh, that's a pity!" said the rabbit and left, disappointed.
“哦，太遺憾了。”小白兔失望地離開了。
The second day the little white rabbit went to the bakery again and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
第二天小白兔又來到那個面包店問：“請問你們有100個小面包嗎?”
The shopkeeper again answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many."
老板仍回答：“抱歉我們沒有那么多。”
"Oh, it's a pity," said the rabbit, and again left, disappointed.
“哦，太遺憾了。”小白兔又失望地離開了。
The third day the little white rabbit went again to the bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
第三天小白兔依然來到那家面包店，問：“請問你們有100個小面包嗎?”
"Oh, yes we have 100 buns today!" the shopkeeper answered gladly.
“啊是的，今天我們有100個小面包啦!”老板高興地回答。
"That's great, I'll buy two, thank you!"
“那太好啦!我買2個，謝謝!”
The shopkeeper stood silently.
老板無語了……
2 An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."
以為藝術家在一個畫廊辦了個展覽，他問店主是否有人對他參展的畫感興趣。
“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息。”店主回答。
“先告訴我好消息。”畫家要求道。
“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會在你死后增。我告訴他會的，然后他買下了你所有的15幅畫作。”
“那太棒了!”畫家驚嘆。“那么什么會是壞消息呢?”
店主想了想之后說：“問那個問題的`是你的醫生”。
3 Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"‘
老師：“John，動詞ring的過去分詞是什么?”。
約翰：“你想它是什么呢”?
老師：“我不用想，我知道!”。
約翰：“我想我不知道”。
4 One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.
When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?"
"You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.
On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.
Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
情人節前一天，一個女人做了個項鏈的夢。
當她醒來，她和她丈夫說：“我剛夢到你情人節給了我一根珍珠項鏈。你說那是什么含義呢?”。
“到情人節那天你就會知道了。”他笑著說。
情人節那天，男人給了他老婆一個禮盒。
她很興奮地打開，看到的卻是一本書，書名是《夢的解析》。
5 A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
有一只小白兔快樂地奔跑在森林中, 在路上它碰到一只正在卷大麻的長頸鹿。小白兔看著長頸鹿說道：“長頸鹿我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?和我一起在森林中奔跑吧，你會感覺心情舒暢很多!”長頸鹿看看小白兔，又看看手里的大麻煙，把大麻煙向身后一扔，跟著小白兔在森林中奔跑。
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his coke, then tosses it and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
后來它們遇到一只正準備吸食可卡因的大象，小白兔又對大象說：“大象我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?想想自己的健康啊。跟我們一起在這片美麗的森林中奔跑吧，你會感覺好很多!”大象看看它們，又看看手中的可卡因，于是把可卡因向身后一扔，跟著小白兔和長頸鹿一起奔跑。
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"
后來它們遇到一只正準備注射毒品的獅子，小白兔又對獅子說：“獅子我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?想想自己的健康啊!跟我們一起在這片陽光明媚的森林中奔跑吧，你會感覺如此美好!”
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
獅子看看小白兔，放下手中的針筒，把小白兔猛揍了一頓。長頸鹿和大象被嚇壞了，它們看著獅子問它：“獅子，你為什么要打小白兔呢?它只是想要幫助我們大家啊!”
The lion answers, "He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he's on ecstasy!"
獅子回答：“這家伙每次嗑了搖頭丸就拉著我像白癡一樣在森林里亂跑!”
6 Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
進步
一位學生對另一位說：“你的 英語 最近學的怎么樣?”
“很好，我過去不懂英國人說話，可現在是英國人不懂我的話了。”
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