英語(yǔ)笑話句子
1、A young couple was on their way to get married1 when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven2. The young lady then asks St. Peter, "If things just don't work out can we get a divorce3?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, "Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?"
一對(duì)年輕的夫婦在去結(jié)婚的路上出了車禍，雙雙死去了。于是，他們來(lái)到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子問(wèn)是否她還可以和丈夫結(jié)婚，圣徒彼得告訴他們，關(guān)于這個(gè)問(wèn)題他一有了結(jié)果就會(huì)回來(lái)找他們。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回來(lái)了，并且告訴他們可以在天堂結(jié)婚。妻子又問(wèn)：“如果生活的不愉快，我們可不可以離婚呢?”圣徒彼得看著她，回答說(shuō)：“夫人，我花了30天才找到個(gè)傳教士，難道你真的希望我再去找個(gè)律師嗎?”
2、A pious1 believer was very serious in his spiritual cultivation2. He went to church every Sunday and never missed a ceremony or a baptism. One day, he went to see the doctor. The doctor checked his pulse and gave him a thorough medical checkup, zut failed to diagnose anything. "You don't seem to be ill," the doctor said.
"If I were not ill, then why would I be here consulting you?" he asked."Do you indulge in unhealthy pleasures?" the doctor asked "No! I have three meals a day, at regular hours and in a fixed3 quantity; I don't take an extra grain."
"Then have you been drinking too much? You'd better stop drinking!""Of course not! I don't even drink a drop of alcohol; I drink only plain water.""Do you often work late? Do you know that working late is bad for your health?"
"Never! I turn in at half-past nine every night, and I get up at six in the morning. This is my daily routine, without the slightest exception."The doctor began to get confused. "Do you smoke or take drugs?"
"That is impossible! I get sick just seeing others smoke,let alone smoking tobacco myself!""Then do you indulge in carnal pleasure?" the doctor asked again.
"How can that be? I am still a bachelor, and I virtually do not know what a woman is." The doctor could not think of anything else, so he gave it a last try. "Do you have a headache?"
"Yes, you are right! I have a severe headache, and no medicine can relieve my pain." "But of course. The halo around your head is too tight!" the doctor said.
有一個(gè)宗教的信徒，他非常認(rèn)真修行，每個(gè)星期天一定去教堂，任何的法會(huì)、洗禮會(huì)他都一定參加。有一次他去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生幫他把脈、檢查身體每個(gè)地方，都找不到任何問(wèn)題，然后醫(yī)生就問(wèn)他：“你好像沒(méi)病啊?”信徒說(shuō)：“沒(méi)病的話，我來(lái)找你做什么呢?”
醫(yī)生又問(wèn)：“那你是不是吃喝玩樂(lè)太過(guò)度了?”他說(shuō)：“不會(huì)啊，我每天三餐定時(shí)定量，多一粒米也不吃。”醫(yī)生又問(wèn)：“那你是不是喝酒太多了?酒最好不要喝啦!”他說(shuō)：“哪里!我一滴也不喝，我只喝白開(kāi)水而已。”
然后醫(yī)生再問(wèn)：“那你是不是常常熬夜?熬夜對(duì)身體不好，你知道嗎?”他說(shuō)：“哪里!我晚上九點(diǎn)半就睡覺(jué)了，早上六點(diǎn)就起床，每天這個(gè)樣子，一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)都不差。”
醫(yī)生已經(jīng)開(kāi)始混淆了，說(shuō)：“那你是不是有抽煙、吸嗎啡?”信徒說(shuō)：“唉!那些根本不用談，我看到人家抽煙已經(jīng)討厭了，何況自己抽!”醫(yī)生繼續(xù)問(wèn)：“那是不是縱欲過(guò)度啊?”他說(shuō)：“哪里!我還是單身漢，根本不知道女人是什么!”
醫(yī)生沒(méi)辦法了，最后又問(wèn)：“那你是不是會(huì)頭痛?”那個(gè)病人說(shuō)：“對(duì)、對(duì)、對(duì)!就是頭痛，痛得厲害，吃什么藥都不好。”醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“就是嘛!你頭上的光圈太緊了!”
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