爆笑英語笑話大全集錦
用過英文跟人家講笑話嗎?如果每用過的話，下面YJBYS小編就給您獻上幾段英文小笑話，讓你可以在朋友間用英文發揮出你的幽默。
圣誕老人的愛好
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.
圣誕老人喜歡在花園里做什么?
答案：鋤地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是鋤草之意，ho則是圣誕老人的笑聲。
它們是從美國直接帶來的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
他真是一個大人物
He is really somebody
My uncle has 1000 men under him.
He is really somebody. What does he do?
A maintenance man in a cemetery.
我叔叔下面有1000個人。
他真是一個大人物。干什么的.?
墓地守墓人。
請把胡子還給我
A man who sold brooms went into a barber’s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.
“Two pence,” said the man.
“No, no,” said the barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don’t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!”
The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.
“A penny,” said the barber.
“I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”
一個賣掃帚的人去理發店修面。理發師從他那里買了一把掃帚。當理發師給他修面后，問一下他掃帚的價格。
買掃帚的人說：“兩個便士。”
“不，不。”理發師說：“ 我只出一個便士，如果你認為不夠的話，可以把掃帚拿回去。”
賣掃帚的人拿回了掃帚，隨后問修面要付多少錢。
“一便士。”理發師說。
賣掃帚的人說：“我給你半個便士，如果不夠的話，請把我的胡子還給我。”
小女孩的愿望
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
在觀看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼兒園老師問學生的觀后感。班上最小的女孩說，她希望舞蹈演員可以長得更高一點兒，那么他們就不用整天踮著腳尖了。
狗也知道這個諺語嗎?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關系，”一位先生“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”
不是我的錯
It's not my fault
Mother (reprimanding訓斥，譴責 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
不是我的錯
媽媽(正教訓她的女兒)：你不該拽貓的尾巴。
女兒：媽，我只是握著貓尾巴，它自己在拽。
父親在哪?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
哥哥想了一會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”
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