幽默詼諧英語笑話
Two Birds 兩只鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
狗的盤子
Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"
Jonny: "Because you are using his plate."
客人：“為什么你的狗坐在那里看著我吃東西啊?”
喬尼：“因為你正在用他的盤子。”
Excellent Skills
After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.
In an instant, a skycap was at his side. "Sir," observed the porter, " you certainly have excellent communication skills.
我的朋友們在繁忙的.紐瓦克機場著陸后，他們卻不能招呼到腳夫來幫他們搬行李。無奈，丈夫拿出一張五美元的鈔票在人群上面搖晃。
一個帶寬邊帽的人馬上來到他身邊。“先生，”腳夫說道，“很明顯你有絕妙的交際技巧。”
我在哪兒
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
"Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一個英國人在鄉下開車時迷了路，他看見一個農民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把車開過去問那位農民：“勞駕，您能告訴我我現在這是在哪兒嗎?”
“可以。”農夫奇怪地看了看他，然后說道：“你現在在你的車子里，先生。”
班級、情人和蠢驢
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。一位學生看到這條通知后，覺得展示自己幽默感的機會來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授聽到笑聲，轉過身走回來，看了看那位學生，又看看被改動過的通知，不動聲色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的學生，教授揚長而去。
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